Every woman is a rebel and usually in wild revolt against herself.
-Oscar Wilde

I want to be unapologetic. I want to jet through life and leave a trail of smoke and turned heads. I never want to settle into the predictability and comfort of life.

That may be put on hold until my Benadryl induced catatonic state subsides. A direct push into my port, and I feel a complete detachment from my body and within seconds, despite my brain's firm refusal to give in, I can almost feel it flowing in my veins, and I find my body settling nicely into the blankets and my head falling against the pillows.

This lack of energy has me frustrated. I want stimulation, I want to breathe life into my bones, and muscles, and faulty lungs. I want to stop the blood before it clogs my airways and comes pouring out of my mouth. I want a medical revolution.

But first, sleeeeep.

I wish I could wave my hands and reject the negativity. I'll study Maggie Gyllenhaal until I get it right.

yessir, it is.

...I've got sunshine, on a cloudy day ; )

When you were young
You were the king of carrot flowers
And how you built a tower tumbling through the trees
In holy rattlesnakes that fell all around your feet

And this is the room
One afternoon I knew I could love you
And from above you how I sank into your soul
Into that secret place where no one dares to go

-neutralmilkhotel

I never mention how grateful I am for modern medicine.
I'm beyond indebted; I owe my life to it.

Things to remember:

1. Always be Renu.
2. Self love.
3. Let it go.
4. Don't forget to breathe.
5. Bask in that sunshine, but don't forget to enjoy the rain.
6. Be mindful; of yourself, your thoughts, others.
7. Show compassion; to yourself, your thoughts, others.
8. Forgive. Always forgive.
9. Smile, or frown, or laugh, or cry. Be okay with what is, however life is.
10. Stay present.

Crooked mouth, quiet down.
Let your fists, come undone.
Miscarried love will be reborn.
When we sleep, the devil's arms are tied.
-Sleeping At Last

Be content with what you have, rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.
-Lao Tzu