recovering;;

The road to recovery can feel like a long one.

After two major procedures in one day, one of which had a few complications, I'm starting to feel like myself again. Last night, however, ended with me in a fit of anesthesia induced tears, a culmination of anticipation and anxiety over a nerve-wracking procedure and my dear, fragile, blood ridden lungs.

I'm trying to process what happened without dwelling on it, for fear the fear will creep back into my mind, the fear that I'll never recover, and that my lungs won't stop bleeding, and that the rest of my life will be spent on operating tables, and in beds in a supine position, and that the quality of the remainder of my days had just dropped significantly.

So instead of focusing on that, I'm accentuating the positive.

I'm able to sit.
I'm no longer bleeding.
I'm able to stand, and walk, even if it is more of a hobble.
My lungs are taking full, deep breaths again, and I'm no longer in need of O2.
The incision site is clean, unaffected, and healing.
The sun is shining outside of my windows, I'm able to eat, sing, talk, and laugh.
Today is a much, much better day than yesterday.

For that, my lungs and I are grateful.
..as are my nurses, who had to deal with all my bitchin'.