anahat nad

Often I find myself falling into patterns, without realizing.

Starting the car, putting it in reverse, then drive, hitting the road, adjusting the stereo, fidgeting to find a comfortable position, sunglasses on.

Spent the day in my actual hometown yesterday. Funny to think I have a hometown. I've spent so much time packing and unpacking and repacking just to do it over again that I forget, at one point, I was stable. Or, I was a baby, but my parents were stable.

Drove by a house I lived in for a year, then another house I lived in for four years, took a drive by Kripalu, went to Route 7, drove to Pittsfield, took a right onto Holmes, went into automatic mode and just drove. Found myself at Starbucks, shut off the car, got a tea, went back outside. The prices have gone up. They not only charge for the hot water and tea bag, but for the cup, the hard labor, the lid, their time, their children's college education. Took a sip, burned my lip.

Relaxed at Jackie's after being tailgated the. entire. way. to. her. house. Walked down North Street, took a shortcut through a building, made funny faces in a window display, was introduced to the Beacon Cinema, went up an escalator of doom, so steep and narrow and tall that she closed her eyes until I remembered to tell her to open them, it was over, might want to step off now. Sat in red crushed velvet chairs, watched a movie, gave in and got a popcorn, walked around the deserted upper level of the theater, got a little creeped out by the lack of people and lights and overall decor, so I went back in to pretend to be surprised by a movie I had already watched.

Left. Felt bowled over by nostalgia and found myself smiling out the window at a town that only recently I had resented with every ounce of my being. Gave up the resentment, let it go, it flew out the window with the smoke stacks that resemble clouds and cause the Starbucks parking lot to smell like a garbage dump in the early morning hours of the warm Berkshire summers.

Started my car, put it in reverse, then drive, hit the road, adjusted the stereo, fidgeted to find a comfortable position, left town.

It's good to be home.