It always ends up to one thing, honey,
and I can't think of right words to say.
Wherever I am girl, I'm always walking with you.
I'm always walking with you, but I look and you're not there.
Whoever I'm with, I'm always, always talking to you.
I'm always talking to you, and I'm sad that,
you can't hear, sad that you can't hear.

-Cat Stevens

I've got this gypsy blood, see, and it won't settle me down, or let me free.
I'm bound to wandering, to floating, to letting life be.

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.
-Alexander Pope

The weight is slipping off my bones.
My family is supportive:

'Renu, you're starting to look like that Olsen twin.'
'What?'
'You know, the skinny one, Ashley? Mary-Jane?'
'Mary-Kate.'
'Yeah, her. The anorexic twin. You look like her.'
'Thanks, Mom.'
'Mhmm.'

I drove through town with the sunroof open, and not a care in the world.
An old mix tape was playing while I hummed along, on and off key.
Not for the first time did I miss you.
I wandered around campus, found a bench with my name on it, and pulled on some woolen gloves. With my headphones in place, and Siddhartha in hand, I wasted time.
My IV ran in while Bailey explored the vast land of Back Yard, and I sipped a cup of tea. The sun was bright, so I wore my 'vintage' shades and imagined living in the '60s.
I styled my hair for a trip to the hospital, only to find myself in the Cancer Center Infusion Suite. A young man sat across from me with his eyes closed, and his fingers tapping on the edge of a chair, in tune to whatever song was playing on his ipod. A quick needle change and I was out, back to my car, with the open sunroof, and sunglasses perched on my nose.
I wished you were here.
Maneuvering through downtown traffic, I got lost and had to retrace my steps, only to find myself heading the wrong way. Thank goodness for iced tea and good tunes.
Finally at home, I cracked open my books and studied up on viruses. Retroviruses, DNA viruses, proviruses. Viruses that cause cancer or unwanted lesions, and those that are fatal. Vericella/Zoster viruses. HIV/AIDS. Round and round I went. Viruses this. Viruses that. I took a much needed break.
Another IV, a four hour one this time, so I cozied up on the couch and uploaded photos. Photos of a hike in the woods, and of Halloween fun. Of '20s folk, and ninja assassins, and nurses with wolf faces.
Now it's Friday night and after such a full day I realize that this evening should be spent doing just this.
Dreaming of us.